Category Archives: Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones: Season 7 Predictions

It’s that time of year again, where I try to guess, in broad strokes at least, what might happen on the new season of Game of Thrones. In the past, I have only had very mixed success at this, and last season was a shitshow that defied all expectations, but I’m back. Again. Still. Always. Because I have a weird, fierce love for this stupid, bad show. Also, two bottles of cheap Moscato for tonight.

This season, I haven’t been following Game of Thrones news the way I have in the past, though I have watched the trailers and looked at some of the promo posters and so on. However, I haven’t bothered with the endless parade of cast interviews and spoiler-free speculation and so on as it’s just gotten boring at this point. HBO likes to keep the show heavily under wraps in order to maximize our “surprise” at the show’s senseless violence and nonsensical storytelling, and that’s fine. It just means I’m pretty much basing my predictions on what I remember from season six, what little footage I’ve seen in the trailers for season seven, and six years’ worth of knowledge of the respect with which David Benioff and D.B. Weiss treat their source material and the audience.

Here’s what I think we might see this season:

Sansa Stark
We left Sansa at the end of season six watching her illegitimate half-brother/cousin Jon Snow accede to the titles and honors that she is both more legally entitled to and better qualified for, but there were some ominously foreshadowing shots of her seeming discontent with this situation. I fully expect this season to find Sansa segueing into the role of antagonist to Jon. With trailers and promo images indicating that Jon Snow will be heading past the Wall again, I think we’ll see Sansa left in charge of Winterfell in his absence. My concern is that this will end up with her having nothing of particular interest to do for the majority of the season, with her own antagonist dead and the Lannisters in King’s Landing likely to be busy with more immediate existential threats.

Jon Snow
It’s already been mentioned somewhere or other that Jon Snow will be heading to Dragonstone to meet Daenerys, and there are images of Jon beyond the Wall as well, so I predict that Jon is going to be doing some teleporting. There’s no way that, with just seven episodes in the season, the show is going to even try to convey the months-long journeys all this stuff will necessitate, and they’ve shown in the past that they care very little about maintaining anything like a coherent timeline.

Bran Stark
In trailers, it looks like Bran and Meera make it to the Wall and the Night’s Watch. I suspect that Bran’s new magic powers are going to be of use in defeating the zombie hordes of the North, but I don’t think we’ll see that actually accomplished this year. Instead, I think we’ll see a late-season reunion between Bran and Jon as Jon heads North to fight the zombies and finds his brother already there.

Arya Stark
Arya was last seen at the Twins, checking Walder Frey’s name off her infamous list, and I think this season will see her trying to make some more progress on those goals. It’s likely that she doesn’t know yet that any of her other siblings are alive in the North, so it seems logical that she would head south to King’s Landing. With the recent news that Gendry is back this season, and knowing how small the show likes to keep its world, I could see her reuniting with him somehow when she gets there.

He could stay at Winterfell with Sansa as either a new antagonist for her or as Sansa’s co-conspirator against Jon Snow, either of which would be consistent with where the show left things last season. Alternatively, he could return to King’s Landing to hedge his bets with Cersei. He could even teleport to Dorne and/or Dragonstone, you know, as one does, and get up to some plotting there as well.

Brienne and Podrick
Something tells me that Brienne is going to head south again this season, perhaps for a reunion of some kind with Jaime Lannister. They’re also on my shortlist of characters I don’t expect to live out the season.

Davos Seaworth
Davos is still going to be on Team Jon, but he’s going to die beyond the Wall.

Banished from the North, Melisandre will either teleport to Dragonstone immediately or be completely absent until a late episode, when she’ll show up just in time to provide a magical solution to a problem.

The Hound
Promo material places the Hound in the North with Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood Without Banners. We won’t be getting Cleganebowl this year, if ever. Most of the Brotherhood will die, and this might include the Hound.

Cersei Lannister
True to her straw feminist form, Cersei will be day drinking and making terrible decisions. With almost every other character in King’s Landing dead, she’ll finally think about what’s going on in the rest of the kingdom, and it’s going to shock her. She is going to lose her shit when she finds out about Daenerys, but she’ll be even more concerned when she learns that Tyrion is still alive.

Jaime Lannister
Jaime is going to feel conflicted about Cersei, but not so conflicted he won’t still bang her. I predict/hope that this is the season we get to see Nikolaj Coster-Waldau go full frontal nude.

Bronn will “hilariously” say some gross shit about women. I could see him getting to kill a Sand Snake or two this year.

The Greyjoys
Last time we saw them, Yara and Theon had joined up with Daenerys, but I don’t think this is going to turn out well for them. I think we’ll find out early in the season that Euron Greyjoy is throwing his support behind Cersei, and I think by midseason he’ll have caught up with his errant niece and nephew for a final showdown. If I was a betting woman, I’d put money on them all killing each other in a strategically silly naval battle of some kind because it would look cool. Yara’s queerness is going to be played for laughs at least once.

Sam and Gilly and Baby Sam
Gilly will still be waiting in that vestibule where Sam left her. Baby Sam is going to be like five years old. Sam is going to hang around the Citadel for the whole season, presumably learning something that we won’t actually find out about until season eight.

Olenna, Ellaria and the Sand Snakes
They’re going to join Daenerys, obviously. I don’t think we’ll see much, if anything, of Dorne this season, however. Instead, the Dorne crew will meet Daenerys at Dragonstone, and I think they’ll be significant in whatever battles with the Lannisters we get to see this season. However, I also think they’re likely to die in those battles as the show is surely looking to further cull its cast and storylines by the end of the season in preparation for the final few episodes next year.

Varys had teleported from Dorne straight onto Daenerys’s ship at the end of season six, so he should be with her when she makes it to Dragonstone. There’s no obvious role for him in any storyline at this point, so I think he’ll be more of a background advisor for Dany for most of the season. He could potentially come into conflict with Tyrion if they disagree over how Daenerys’s invasion of the Seven Kingdoms should be carried out, which would inject some drama into the situation, but I think it’s more likely that he’ll be around just enough for the show to include a joke or two about him being a eunuch.

Missandei and Grey Worm
There’s about a second of footage in one of the trailers for the season that looks like Missandei and Grey Worm getting ready to do it. So I guess that’s happening. I hope they run away together and live happily ever after, but I think it’s more likely that one or both of them will die tragically in service to someone else’s (either Daenerys’ or Tyrion’s) storyline.

Jorah Mormont
Jorah will die this season, almost certainly in battle, fighting for Daenerys.

Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion will mansplain everything to everyone. And he’s still going to be a fan favorite and critical darling, completely unearned.

We know for sure that Daenerys will make it to Dragonstone, and that will probably take up most of the first episode. I think the majority of whatever fighting she’s going to do in season seven will be in the last couple episodes and that most of her time will be spent holding court at Dragonstone and looking pensively off the battlements. I don’t think she’ll get a romance plot this year, but there’s going to be a bananas amount of new Daenerys/Jon fanfic after they meet.

We will see some.

We won’t see as many as we’d like, but they’re going to be gorgeous.

Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 10 “The Winds of Winter”

“The Winds of Winter” was fucking wild, you guys. Not good, mind you, and (like the vast majority of season six) mostly nonsensical if you think about it even a little bit, but still a wild ride from start to finish. I rather liked last week’s episode because—taken in isolation, at least—it was actually a good hour of television. This episode, however is a complete mess of weird pacing, unintentional hilarity, bizarre self-importance, and complete disrespect for the source material—we’re talking just absolutely ridiculous adaptational decisions here, folks. Add in some blatant fan service, loads of Benioff and Weiss’s peculiarly misogynistic brand of “feminism,” and an absurd amount of teleportation, and things only get worse. Unhyperbolically, it’s seriously some of the worst garbage I’ve ever seen masquerading as prestige television, and it’s absolutely clear that the show’s writers do not give a fuck anymore about the source material, audience expectations, or anything else but wrapping up this monstrosity they’ve wrought for the last six years as soon as possible.

In short, it’s Game of Thrones at its best and worst, and I loved watching it. Still, most of my reaction is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Spoilers under the cut, as always. Continue reading Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 10 “The Winds of Winter”

Game of Thrones Season 6 Predictions, Revisited

With the season finale of Game of Thrones airing tomorrow, I felt it was time to revisit my predictions for the season and see how close my pre-season six thoughts lined up to the reality of what the show delivered. I wouldn’t say I’ve been overwhelmingly right about the season, but of my seventeen numbered predictions, eleven were all or mostly correct. Which is depressing, because my predictions for the season were not very optimistic. Thank goodness I didn’t do this for every episode, I guess? I probably would have had an even higher success rate, but I don’t even want to think about how much more depressing that would have been.

In any case, let’s go through these one by one. Spoilers for the whole season so far, obviously. Continue reading Game of Thrones Season 6 Predictions, Revisited

Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 9 “The Battle of the Bastards”

This is the first episode of season six that I’ve found more enjoyable than not, and there’s really quite a lot to like about “Battle of the Bastards” from an artistic standpoint. With only two settings to worry about this week, it’s a relatively well-constructed episode, and it seems obvious where all the show’s budget went this year—the battle scenes are truly spectacular. The titular conflict in particular is well done in its grim, dark, ugly bloodbath fashion, while in Meereen we finally get some dragon action. Unfortunately, once you really think about what’s underneath the spectacle, there’s still a remarkable amount of stuff going on that doesn’t make sense, a lot of obvious contrivance, and a heavy helping of the same contempt for the show’s source material and audience that has characterized the show since at least season four. And that’s not even touching on the patronizing disrespect with which the show still treats its female characters, even as so-called critics continue to fawn over how “different” the show is this year.

In short, “Battle of the Bastards” is an episode that looks good and was enjoyable to watch with a bottle of wine in hand, but it doesn’t stand up to scrutiny as a real quality episode of television.

As always, spoilers under the cut. Continue reading Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 9 “The Battle of the Bastards”

Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 8 “No One”

So, this is a late recap/review. I usually write these up the day after each episode airs, but we ended up watching this one while camping in Huntsville, Alabama (in order to take care of final arrangements for my partner’s mother, who passed away last week) and I simply haven’t really had the time to dedicate to it before now. It hasn’t helped that “No One” is a downright boring hour of television in which not much makes sense and even less manages to be important or exciting. Most of it doesn’t even manage to be offensively bad; it’s just plain dull. Presumably this is supposed to be setup for the last couple episodes of the season, especially the stuff in King’s Landing and Meereen, but it feels much more like filler and in an already glacially paced season. At this point, I feel like every critical reviewer is one broken record of complaints about the slow pace of this season, but let’s be serious. Very little has actually happened in any of the show’s storylines, and “No One” does nothing to change that in any positive fashion.

Spoilers below the cut, obv. Continue reading Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 8 “No One”

Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 7 “The Broken Man”

I can’t decide if this is the best episode so far this season or the worst. On the one hand, “The Broken Man” is relatively well-constructed and most of its storylines are halfway coherent, which is a nice change. On the other hand, it’s incredibly boring (very little actually happens, and there’s no action to speak of) and contains some pretty horrendously offensive messaging in multiple storylines. This week, in the interest of clarity (and, with any luck, brevity) because there were so many short scenes as the show shifted between characters and locations, I’m going to just cover each storyline separately. I think this is going to be the new normal for these recaps, too, as the shift, in the first few episodes this season, towards longer sequences instead of lots of moving around in short choppy segments doesn’t seem to have stuck, in spite of the fact that it helped significantly with the show being able to convey passage of time and in general made for a more pleasant and less disjointed viewing experience.

In any case, spoilers, obviously, under the cut. Continue reading Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 7 “The Broken Man”

Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 6 “Blood of My Blood”

If I could only use a single word (instead of the thousand I likely will use) to describe “Blood of My Blood” it would be “predictable.” This has been increasingly true of the show for some time now, and I know I’ve mentioned in the past that it’s gotten extremely easy these days to extrapolate nearly all the events of each episode from just the “previously on” reel at the beginning. There were a couple of “twists” this week, but none of them were particularly interested, and all have been heavily, ham-fistedly foreshadowed either in earlier seasons or, sometimes, simply in the involved characters’ previous scene in this very episode. Alternatively, said “twists” come with no warning at all and make basically no sense if you think about them for more than a moment or two, which may make the “twists” somewhat unpredictable but is pretty much par for the course for the show. I’m never less surprised than when the show has a completely unearned and nonsensical plot twist thrown in to season the pot of badness it’s become.

Spoilers below! Continue reading Game of Thrones Recap/Review: Season 6, Episode 6 “Blood of My Blood”